North Korea, Best Korea!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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