Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
