i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
