I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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