Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am mentally ready for anal.
try to milk me bitch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
