So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
