well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
