It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
