So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
