I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
