I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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