I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
