It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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