Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
