Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
