the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
