If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
