what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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