Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
