I think I died a long time ago.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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