ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
