she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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