Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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