I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
