My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
