I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
