I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
PANTIES FOUND
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