Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
