Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
