Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
