Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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