It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
