I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
