There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
