My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
