So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
