then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I cockslap morals
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
