you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
