Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
