high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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