My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
