I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
