Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
