there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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