I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
