And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
