Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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