wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
