It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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