Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
